Don't make me say I'm weak
by wolfypuppypiles
Summary: The Arrow team comes to help out with the meta-humans but someone has to tell them about what happened to Barry.
1. Chapter 1

Barry turned the page of the newest issue of his favorite science magazine and sighed, realizing he was squeezing his thigh again. It was a new habit he had developed since waking up and he didn't even really know why he did it, it's not like anything was changing. It had been three days and he was still paralyzed.

He knew Caitlin felt guilty about it. She hadn't found the injury and she hadn't been able to fix it either but Barry knew it wasn't her fault. The situation sucked but it wasn't anyone's fault but his own. Jay hadn't come back since warning him he would lose against Zoom, he had said it would result in him losing his powers or worse, his death; of course he was right and if he could, Barry would be kicking himself right now.

The speedster was currently seated on the couch, in the cortex, his wheelchair beside him. Cisco had added the little love-seat for him because while he was growing used to his new disability he still didn't like showing it off or talking much about it.

Caitlin and Cisco were working on something on the computers and kept giving him admonishing looks whenever he squeezed his thigh; he was just about to tell them to leave him alone when voices erupted from the doorway and the Arrow team stepped through.

Felicity immediately smiled when she saw Barry and let go of Oliver's hand to come say hello.

"Hey Barry! Long-time no see." She seemed confused as to why he wasn't standing up to greet her but bent down to hug him from the couch anyway. The rest of the team said their hellos and all the noise brought out Joe and Iris from where they had been working too.

Barry had, by now, figured out that while Caitlin and Cisco had requested their visit to help with a few new meta humans that popped up, they had not told them about Barry's predicament.

"So Cisco said you needed help with a new meta human. What's so special about this one that you need help with it?" Oliver, straight to the point as always, was waiting for an answer but Barry didn't know what to say, especially with everyone staring at him.

"Cisco didn't tell you did he?"

Felicity sat down on the couch next to him, her smile fading a little at the CSI's somber tone.

"Tell us what?"

Barry wanted so badly not to have to tell them. He didn't want to see the pity appear in their eyes. Right now they still thought of him as the hero, one of the team, but he knew that as soon as he told them all they would see was poor broken Barry. And he hated it.

His new habit made him want to squeeze his lifeless thighs but Caitlin was watching him closely and had already told him off for the bruising he had created, so he simply squeezed his hands into fists and pressed them into his legs where he could stare down at them and avoid everyone's stares.

Taking a deep breath he forced the words from his mouth, and they came out sounding as bitter as they had tasted.

"I went up against Zoom. I lost. And now that's mine." He pointed to the wheelchair beside him and waited for it to sink in.

In the few silent seconds Iris' hand appeared on Barry's shoulder and his team moved just a little closer to him, in silent support.

Oliver seemed to understand first.

"Barry…." But of course he didn't know what to say. He knew how much the kids speed meant to him and now….

Felicity looked back and forth between the wheelchair and Barry, and then turned her gaze to where the Flash suit usually sat. Cisco had stored it somewhere else after Barry stared at it from his wheelchair for over an hour a few days ago.

"I don't unders…. Barry what are you saying?"

Felicity of course understood but just didn't want to, her eyes shining wet with tears and Barry couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this. Joe?" He hated that he couldn't simply walk away from this conversation or that he wasn't able to get himself into his wheelchair by himself yet. He didn't want to have to do this in front of them, he hated doing it in front of Iris and the others anyway but after this no one would see him as strong ever again.

Joe understood and came to stand in front of his son, wheeling the chair a little closer and angling it into position, before bracing his hands under Barry's armpits and lifting him onto his limp legs. Barry kept his hands on his adoptive father's shoulders and his eyes away from the Arrow team as Joe transferred him to his wheelchair.

Felicities gasp was muffled only by her own hand that flew up to her mouth when she saw what had happened to her friend. Barry's own tears of embarrassment started to fall as he used his shaking hands to lift his legs and feet onto the little ledge.

"Son-" Barry ignored Joe and sped off, not wanting to break down in front of anyone for the millionth time.

Iris watched her best friend go and looked apologetically at Oliver and Felicity, and at Diggle who still hadn't said anything.

"I'm sorry, he just doesn't like talking about it yet. The past few days have been really hard on him. Caitlin will explain everything, I'll go talk to Barry." The girl left and all eyes were suddenly on Caitlin.

"We have a lot to discuss."


	2. Chapter 2

Iris gave a small smile to Felicity as she came into the work room and patted Barry on the shoulder before leaving them to it.

Barry had his back to her but Felicity would not be deterred.

"So Caitlin told us everything. I'm really sorry about what happened but this lab is full of genius scientists so I'm sure we'll figure out something. And this sweet set of wheels you have will get us great seats at the theater, because the new star wars movie is out and I need to go with someone who appreciates its brilliance. I love going out to dinner and stuff with Oliver but you and Cisco will definitely understand my extreme excitement more than he will."

A smile crawled its way onto Barry's face and he relaxed a little. He really should have known that Felicity wouldn't treat him any differently and he was suddenly so grateful to have her there.

"Speaking of Oliver, I saw you two when you came in, holding hands! What was that about?" Barry nudged the hacker with his elbow, happy to talk to someone that wasn't afraid of breaking him.

Felicity laughed and blushed a little. "Yeah me and Oliver are kind of together now. We have been for a while actually and I wanted to call and tell you all about it but everything got crazy again."

Barry smiled and nodded. If anyone knew the definition of crazy it was him and Felicity.

"I told you Ray was too tall for you. I'm really happy for you guys, I could see your connection the first time I met you too actually."

Felicity sighed wistfully. "Ah yeah that time when Oliver almost died and you saved him with rat poison. Such happy memories." The two burst out laughing and Barry smiled wider than he had in days.

"See that's the crinkly eyed smile we all know and love. Sooo, do you have anyone special? Joe was talking about a Patty asking questions about where you were?"

Barry blew a big breath out his lips so they made a raspberry noise because he had been avoiding work but knew it was catching up to him.

"Yeah Joe's trying to cover for me at work but Captain Sing is gonna need a better excuse than the flu at some point and Patty is my sort of girlfriend?"

Felicity went wide eyed and excited, her hands clasped in front of her face.

"Really? Barry that's great! Not about the work thing, that must be frustrating especially with everything you've told me about your boss but the girlfriend thing is great, what's she like?"

Barry had been missing Patty lately and felt even worse since she kept texting asking if he was okay and about why he wasn't at work or replying.

"She's great, she's a scientist but works as a police officer, she's adorable and funny and she kind of babbles like you do and she's a fan of my police reports and….. we were supposed to have dinner the night after Zoom almost killed me but I hadn't even woken up at that point and so Joe told her that I was sick but really sorry about it but now it's four days and I'm still not back. I really like her and I don't want to push her away but what am I supposed to tell her? I was blind on out first date and now..?"

"Wait, you went blind? Never mind, look Barry, if she's as great as you say she is and you like her that much maybe it's a good idea to tell her something? Maybe not the whole truth but it's better than hiding and if she really is your almost, kind of, girlfriend then she has a right to know. Plus she sounds really worried about you."

Of course she was right but the speedster was afraid of what Patty might think. She had no obligation to stay with him, they'd only had one date after all and she didn't ask to be saddled with this, but it would break his heart all the same. And he had been broken enough this week.

"I was hoping I would have healed by now but… I really don't want to go in to work like this. My labs upstairs and everyone will stare…."

Felicity took his hand and smiled apologetically at him.

"But you can't hide forever."

...

Barry, with the help of Joe and Caitlin, had come up with a cover story for The Captain and Patty.

"The timeline is the problem, we can't tell people your spine was snapped because you would still be in bed and more than likely have a brace so I think the best way to do it is to tell them you had some trauma that caused swelling in the spine which is why you can't feel your legs. That way you can be moving around in your wheelchair and if you heal we can tell them the swelling went down without any complications. Technically you would still have to be in bed but they don't know that so it's fine. And if they have any questions they can call me."

"Cait, you're amazing, thank you."

Caitlin teared up just a little at Barry's comment because ever since he woke up she felt like she had failed him. Smiling and trying to brush away the tear without anyone noticing she tried to keep her voice steady through her mumble.

"No problem Barry." Cisco saw her of course and laughed, rolling his eyes and rubbing her back.

Joe went to tell Sing in person rather than on the phone but on his way to the office he was intercepted by his partner.

"Detective West! Hey, um I know you told me Barry was sick but he hasn't been answering my texts and he's been away for a while and you're looking really sad and stressed lately and I was just wondering if maybe something more was happening than just a flu?"

The detective sighed and patted the eager officer on the shoulder.

"I'm just about to explain the situation to Sing, why don't you come with me it'll save time."

...

"So he was in a car accident and is now paralyzed."

Patty was still trying to process everything. Once Joe had told the Captain and her about Barry, Joe suggested that Patty come to see him. So now she was sitting in the car outside of S.T.A.R. Labs with him about to go see her partners newly paralyzed son.

"You don't have to see him and he said it's okay if you don't want to continue datin-"

"No of course I want to! I mean I'm a little freaked out, like what do I say? But I wouldn't want to stop the dating thing and I want to see him. I really like him and I've been a little worried. I even made him chicken soup…for the flu… which seems stupid now."

Joe laughed as she retrieved a container of home-made soup from her bag.

"No it's great, he'll be happy just seeing you and we've had a little trouble getting him to eat anything lately anyway."

It had worried everyone, the not eating thing, but of course every time anyone reminded him of his fast metabolism and his need for food he would sulk and say "I don't need it if I'm not running and I'm not doing that any time soon."

Thank God for Felicity and Patty being here, with all the extra science nerds around Barry felt like he could contribute more since he was more than his legs, he was a scientist and his brain was just as important. He wasn't useless and never would be, but for some reason he needed reminding.

Joe had been slow warming up to Patty but seeing the smile that lit up Barry's entire face when he saw her was beyond worth the car ride full of constant babble.

"Patty! Hey, um did Joe explain everything? Is that soup?" The room cleared of onlookers and Barry blushed slightly and started fidgeting in his chair, tugging on his S.T.A.R. Labs sweats.

"Yes and yes. He told me you had the flu so I made soup and now I feel really stupid and I don't know what to say except that I'm really happy to see you again."

Barry smiled and bit his lip, cheeks staining red just a little.

"Me too. And the soup looks great it's really nice of you. I'm sorry we lied I just didn't know if this would be a long term thing, I still don't and I'm really sorry for bailing on our date I would have gone if I could."

Patty came closer and sat down on a nearby chair, smiling at him.

"Joe said you weren't even conscious for that day so don't even worry about it. Plus we could always have another one, I mean our first date ended pretty awesomely."

Barry had a huge smile on now and he raised a cheeky eyebrow.

"Oh yeah? I remember the kiss that gave me my sight back, do you think maybe your magic could work again?"

Patty's smile was as bright as Barry's and she dropped her bag and container of soup by her chair and came over to Barry who pulled her onto his lap so she was sitting on his knee.

"I think we should try."

Barry held her face in his hands like he had on their first date and pressed his lips to hers, starting out soft and sweet but quickly deepening. Barry lost himself in her, feeling more complete than he had since waking up without any feeling in his legs.

When they finally broke apart Patty was flushed and Barry was breathless.

"So did it work? Am I magic?"

"You're definitely magical but maybe we should keep trying?"

"Yes please."


	3. Chapter 3

Barry glared at the stubbled face in front of him, keeping his sarcastic remarks behind clenched teeth. 'Stupid Oliver and his stupid hero advice.'

The wheel chaired hero had been listening to Oliver's drivel for less than ten minutes but was already done with the man. If Barry could he was sure he would have gotten up and punched him but as it was he sat in his chair and gripped his dead legs to keep from lunging at him.

"Don't look at me like that Barry I know it seems like I'm being insensitive but you said he would be back and if you want to avoid being killed you need to understand what you did wrong-" Barry's eyes flashed with rage and the Arrow raised his hands apologetically at his wording.

"- or what his weaknesses are so that you can defeat him next time."

Still squeezing the life out of his leg Barry spoke with a carefully controlled voice even though he would rather be yelling.

"I don't know if you've noticed Oliver but it doesn't really seem like there's gonna be a next time BECAUSE I CAN'T FUCKING-"

Okay so he lost it a little bit but really it was Oliver's fault for wanting to turn this horrible mess into a training session I mean really? What the hell was he thinking?

Felicity, the only other person in the cortex, looked towards the two men, startled at Barry's yelling, and quickly rushed over. Laying a hand on both men's shoulders she bent down to their eye level and gave a smile with eyebrows raised.

"Everything okay here? Darling? Barry?"

The speedster was still red faced with anger and shook the hackers hand off with a twist of his wheels as he backed up and away from the two of them.

"Yeah, just fine, except Oliver here wants to use my traumatic experience as a training exercise. And it doesn't make you insensitive Oliver it makes you a dick." Still muttering to himself the scientist wheeled out of the room to go grumble by himself.

"What were you doing?" Felicity turned to her boyfriend with confusion and they both watched the Flash roll off as Oliver sighed.

"I was talking to him about his Zoom fight and how looking at the details of it would help us to learn more about him and possibly how to defeat him. I think Barry just saw it as another person telling him he wasn't good enough. I know he doesn't need another reminder of what happened, that wasn't what I was trying to do. I just wanted to give him a way to keep up the Zoom hunt but…"

Felicity scratched lightly at the nape of his neck in comfort. "I know honey, I just don't think he's really ready to talk about what happened yet, much less recount it in detail to someone else. We'll let him cool off and then we can talk to him."

Oliver nodded sullenly, still feeling guilty for making his friend so upset, and hugged Felicity around the waist as he pulled her onto his knee.

Barry rolled down the hallway of STAR Labs going over the conversation in his head and yelling at Oliver over and over in his mind just to get his anger out. It only added fuel to the fire and his arms pumped furiously as he spun his wheels and glided on the shiny floors till he found himself outside. They had switched him to a lighter wheelchair once they realized his legs weren't coming back anytime soon.

It had been two weeks and Barry couldn't live at STAR Labs and so Barry had to live at home with Joe and Iris. That, of course, meant Joe would have to carry Barry and his wheelchair upstairs every day because that's where his bedroom was. Barry didn't mind the lighter chair, he could go faster in it and it folded in the car when they drove.

Sitting under a tree outside the parking lot of the labs now, Barry rolled back and forth lightly, staring at his shoes. Oliver was his friend and he had thought he would have been nicer about this whole thing. Telling him that should focus on what he did wrong in the fight, as if it was his fault he was like this. Like he hadn't tried hard enough. Barry stopped his chair and put his face in his hands. It was his fault. He hadn't listened to anyone when they said he was being reckless and he hadn't been thinking. He had been arrogant and naïve to think he could stop a force like Zoom. And Linda had almost died because of it.

He supposed that Oliver pointing it out had made him so angry because he knew it was true but didn't want to see reason. And he had yelled at him. He was the dick. God, now he felt terrible. All his anger had left him and now he was just tired and embarrassed.

The beet faced boy didn't notice Caitlin's tapping footsteps approaching until she was standing in front of him.

"Hi Barry, enjoying the sunshine?" She had just gotten back from lunch and was holding a brown paper bag in one hand.

He only looked up at her briefly before looking at his lap again mumbling. She set her bags down and uncurled his hand from where it had been digging into his thigh and gave him an admonishing look as she smoothed his hand out. He hadn't even realized he'd been doing it that time. Dr Snow carefully massaged his palm and gave him a kind look. "What's wrong Barry?"

"I yelled at Oliver. And swore. And called him a dick." The doctor rose her eyebrows in surprise but kept kneading at his hand, focusing on the joints of his fingers and knuckles.

"Why?"

Barry flushed red again. "He tried to give me some advice and I took it the wrong way. I wasn't really mad at him anyway." He didn't say that he was angry at himself for being so stupid and for putting himself in the chair but Caitlin heard the silent words anyway. The woman was wise beyond her years and Barry could see it in her face as he gazed at her.

She looked at him with kind understanding eyes and stopped massaging his hand, holding it in her soft hand in comfort instead. "I'm sure he'll understand. Oliver can be surly and grizzly but he really does care about you Barry. Just go and apologize and he'll forgive you I'm sure."

She was still holding his hand and the Flash squeezed it with a smile. "Thanks Cait."

She smiled she wide her eyes crinkled and she let go of his hand so he could roll back inside.

Oliver was sitting at one of the computers with Felicity on his lap when Barry and Caitlin entered the cortex and Caitlin nudged Barry at the same time that Felicity cleared her throat at Oliver.

"I'm sorry." Both men spoke at the same time and Oliver quickly followed with an explanation when Barry paused.

"I shouldn't have brought that up and I'm sorry if it sounded like I was blaming you. That's not what I wanted to do at all."

Barry shook his head and rolled closer. "No, I'm sorry I overreacted. It was my fault and I was just feeling a bit sore about it but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm sorry I yelled."

Oliver smiled kindly.

"I forgive you Barry."

Barry smiled, feeling lighter and was grateful it was over quickly. The apology from Oliver had been a little surprising actually but maybe Felicity had made him do it. It's not that Barry thought Oliver to unkind but the green hooded Arrow was known for his blunt nature and the past few weeks he had been more careful, gentle even. Barry might have gotten annoyed at being babied but actually it was nice, Oliver wanted to take the effort to put his nature aside and be supportive of Barry. It was nice.

Caitlin moved past from her spot beside her favorite patient to put her brown paper bag on one of the desks. "Well now that all is forgiven, I have snacks. Chocolate croissants and don't worry Barry Cisco's coming back with pizza too.


End file.
